bittersweet

*PEACE*.. realized how much i missed them =) feels so good to see my brothers and sisters again, even tho it hasnt been the same these days with the lack of attendants, that old familiar feeling returned yesterday, a feeling of love and unity and most importantly, the presence of Jesus among us... PEACE has always been a spiritual home, a shelter and a family =) makes me feel so blessed to have each one of you by my side, all these people that are just so different.. that wouldnt have came together if we didnt have a common purpose... and because of our differences... we've learnt to grow.. and to accept... for PEACE.. *thnx God* hehe

*work* it's 4 weeks now.. it didnt seem like it was that long... weekdays dragged on.. hours at work were long... but time flew by nonetheless... thought i couldnt survive last week of school and work... but all's good now... =) i feel very useless at work.. as i always like to say... i feel like a complete expense to their organization.. and i feel especially bad.. cuz they're non profitable... and the budget they work on to pay our salaries are based on charity... im sorry to everyone who contributed to my salary... ai.. i wish one day.. i can feel good enough to say i am an asset.

*missing* going to work makes me miss going to school even more.... going to school is mandatory... but optional... you skip a lecture or two, you be late a few times, you walk in with meals chewing away listening to the prof blab... drifting off to endless naps... its a luxury to be in school... as crazy as this might sound.. i will reallie miss ut... the 4 years of walking down st. george... my always leaving early from utccc... the run to GO buses... the cursing of profs... the excuse to drink second cup white hot chocolates... the fries with gravy + hotdog... the schoolbus... the icecream truck... the opening of the SS lounge... the assignments 'sharing' sessions... etc etc.... just... *sigh* two more days of classes and lectures.. of st. george.. of SS... of MS... and that's it...

from highschool to university.. i realized that.. trying hard does not always come with desired results.. the amount of time you put into something does not guarentee accomplishing anything... and its true.. that ur never a failure until you give up and you fail to try... its been four years of tough learning... and struggling.. but going to school.. you know what's ahead of you.. the uncertainty is limited.... but going to work is different... as maria said to me.. we all want to be kids forever... play and laugh and do as we wish... to have someone to take care of you.. to be instructed of wat our next step is.. to be reassured.... the real world is all about responsibilities.. all about wat YOU can do... all about the unknown... and meeting expectations.. others expectations for u.. and wat u expect from yourself.. it's a neverending process of discovering.. of trial and error.. if you stay put to think about a direction.. u will never get anywhere without ever taking a first step... there's no time to pause and think and consider... just do it... and for all the many many worries.. and all the times of confusion.... pray... there's a way... now that i look back.. there was always a way =) seems like God's shedding some light in my path... so there WAS a plan... *believe* thank you God for everything and everyone you've put into my life...

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...
...
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live

to *me* thanks ... =) and add oil with studying and your papers... we've made it this far...