happy victoria day =) i can hear fireworks outside... well glad someone out there is having fun out there... errr...

just having a bitter day... or a pretty bitter weekend altogether...
my house is so noisy right now, i cant even hear myself think, a lot of people are over for the bbq tonight, and playing mah jong and laughing and talking... well more like screaming at this moment... dont know whats with me these days, just... would much prefer silence...
spent my day studying... spent my weekend studying... didnt do anything other than studying... i cant say i have no time... havent really been using it wisely, wish i learnt not to procrastinate... just like back in school... the day before the exam... 'next time.. next time i'll have to start sooner' ... i would study now.. except they're so loud downstairs, cant think, cant study, cant sleep... but .. no one to talk to, dont want to talk to anyone. dont want to bother anyone. cant do anything... just.. sit and wait til these people can leave my house...

just having a weak moment... i just want to sleep right now... just need to get to work early tomorrow, just need to get home early to study, just want to get everything over with, just want to breath and sit... and relax again... just want to live my life back, a life without rushing.

i wish i was at mariapolis right now... miss it too too much... miss the people... miss the love... miss the 'see Jesus in everyone'... havent tried hard enough lately to live out the spirit, its true, i guess if i can try harder, we can always live out mariapolis in our everyday lives rite? be the first to love... this is what i have to keep in mind... so difficult right now... wish i can feel the love and peace right now... the way it felt when i came back from mariapoolis last year. SIGH. tomorrow.. tomorrow will be a better day.