endless work
sleepless nites

dont know why feel like crap. must be m. must be.. yet another very boo nite..

just ate a fortune cookie... cant exactly call it a fortune.. but the paper inside reads: 'not every question deserves an answer'... but why.sad.
booooo =(

*me. alone*

ai... ilrn.com... u win me... someone logged into my account.. then the system auto logged ME off.. when HELLO!.. obviously im flora chan... sei jai dont even ask me before log in anymore. hahaha so used. nice.. now i have to start over. technology.. can i not just write it out and hand it in?!

school reallie reallie sux. it.. depresses people.. talking to jai =) miss him so much. we'll make a timetable together.. it'll HAVE to work. sorrie mom seem to have passed on my not-so-smart genes.. boo. doesnt matter now.. screw the past and focus on wat we CAN change... when we ace finals.. midterms wont matter! its ok to be depress.. just dont dwell in it.. i know exactly how hurt it is to feel dumb.. like being cheated.. but by urself.. smile pleaseee. dont quit before putting in all ur efforts.. mom always support u! we will both prove ourselves! we will we will...

sometimes seeing friends so booo.. reallie makes me think... why does it have to be so sun fu. at all different stages.. why must everything.. BE. anyways.. one thing for sure, it just reminds me that.. we're reallie nobodies.. i feel very blessed for knowing that there's eternal life.. and the life we have now.. is short and temporary.. no matter how bad it is... it wont last... sad in a way... (let us keep ceci and her family in our prayers) ..but it's the most secure feeling that something better will come along, that there will be an end to the boos and sufferings..

i've been sneezing all nite.. it makes me so tired... headachie.. and my heart hurts.. very.. heavy. blah. ok back to logic.. then.. start my paper.


再見悲哀
曲：Eric Kwok 詞：林夕 編：Eric Kwok/Ted Lo

* 再見悲哀因我不再計較任何結果
什麼都可以坦蕩未在乎誰是錯
我兩眼合上失去什麼 是與非也掠過
別固執到問一切為何

再見傷感因我不易被淚流留住我
什麼的境界都愛自自然地渡過
去到最尾就如與物忘我
回復身心最初 面對心鏡內一片平和
鳥聲瞬間閃過 (這麼最好不過) *

除了心 只有心 可以解心鎖
煩惱多 因我要得多
微似砂 輕似煙 怎會有風波
有惆悵 跌入了恆河

情路太彎 過就過 當是個經過
感動的愛 當做一次砌磋
沿途上遇上什麼 都欣賞過
投入時便快樂一起過
Repeat *

傻也好 癡也好 因你記得多
忘記的 比你記的多
懷念最好 我便會 繼續愛惜我
花瓣飄過 美在不顧結果
人存活在世就似沙粒飛過
誰又曾為了誰褒貶過
Repeat *

這麼最好不過 全是一種經過


[edit] hahahahahaha.. msning....
flo. says:
well i think i'll miss school alot too... once im done
flo. says:
cuz i dont know wat i want.
{P@tRiCk} [ viva il papa ] says:
.. i noe wat u want!! =P
flo. says:
ETERNAL LIFE!
flo. says:
hahaha
{P@tRiCk} [viva il papa ] says:
exactly!

...... fai dou bao. hon2.

today.. eddieboo leaving.
today.. auntie caroline's bday
today.. my dad messed up my stuffed toys
today.. is not my day.

[edit] deleted my previous rant.. about my library issue.. dont want to remember it. hehe, the whole borrowing my book thing has been resolved. *phew* nice.


hehe and my new goal?.... eternal life =)

為了他令你哭為你哭令我哭 為你很顧慮...

eddieboo came today.. hahahahahahahahahahahaha... F.A.
the second she stepped in the car.. haha already swore.. hahahahhaa.. but looks prettie pro =) *make me proud*

been a prettie productive day.. got a chance to read over my chimpanzee books.. quite interesting actually.. dont have time for it tho... yee i'll pass them on to you soon =) booo im soooooo tired.. not sleeping too well these days.. cant seem to fall asleep, maybe my room's... too cold or something.. and lately.. my dreams are soo real.. its crazy.. its almost like i cant tell if conversations actually happened... its too real.. and im just too confused.. haha

since i cant sleep i've decided to.. do my 124 assignment!.. blah i got a C+ on my first one.. im so upset.. this one better be a B. damn those kids... i met a new girl.. that started working on it a week ago... gave me her msn... haha 1987. that's like.. TWO generation gaps rite there.

so much due. why am i so lazy.

was just chatting with suk... and he was asking me if i knew this prof at ut... by the name of rosenthal? hahaha.. ringing any bells? hahaha he was the author of my stupid stats textbook! dammit.. anyways.. sure enough.. he's a stats prof at my wonderful school... and.. in the latest macleans.... i guess they interviewed him? suksuk told me briefly about it... and.. here's part of it...

"... And he's an occasional Serial Diner, which is to say he belongs to a group whose mission it is to dine at every restaurant in the Toronto Yellow Pages, in alphabetical order. The Serial Diners, who celebrate their 16th anniversay this week, meet every Friday and have reached the middle of the H listings..."

seriously.. how BEEN TAI IS THAT!... holy..
but i've gotta admit.. i'd like to be a serial diner =P

miss u lots deboraaah =P soooo much to tell u.. hurry backkk.. dont stress, good luck with everything *hugs*

i realllie think.... just being me is not too bad, despite my many many mo liu moments... and the many many booish nites... i reallie feel better today and... different ... thanks for being mo liu with me :)

was talking to my mom about finding my jacket... and realized.. every single closet in the house.. including the guest bedroom. half of my bro's closet.. and the 3 portable closets down in the basement... are filled with her... jackets.. dresses.... suits.. her anything and everything... my goodness.. women. haha my aunt is every funnier.. she made her basement into a huge walk in closet rite? and cuz she bought so much.. all the hang bars are starting to fall... like one day.. they just.. all fell? like they couldnt hold the weight anymore? women. or... married women.



hahaha and here's....our liscense plate! (um.. courtesy of... Mr. Hon...?) WHEN we have the money and WHEN we GL and WHEN we live together.. hahaha.. see how its ... WHEN and not... IF =) .... *wishful thinking.. haha wishful... dreaming* u know.. just to be original.. maybe we should get FLuss ... when we have money....

but definitely... "rather a BIG dinner.. than a SMALL car"

oh btw, the name of the song is 當你孤單你會想起誰
heading out to see *me* and prettie bethie nowwww.... =)

no msn still =) that's fine.. perfectly peaceful.. haha my bro resorted to 'google talk'.. hm.. desperate...

nothing much happened today.. ran back and forth to lots of places today... went to my lab... did my research.. the books were like super heavy..... but then again.. im too capable haha... physically damnnn tired tho. haha while go training with clarissa.. we were planning out the time table for the next three weeks until exams... it got so depressing neverendingnessss... haha.. the good news is... exactly one month from today.. i'll be done exams! -_-"

found a random song in the mp3 player the other day.. finally found the lyrics! i like it, sounds very... soothing =)

你的心情總在飛　什麼事都想去追
想抓住一點安慰
你總是喜歡在人群中徘徊
你最害怕孤單的滋味

你的心那麼脆　一碰就會碎
經不起一點風吹
你的身邊總是要許多人陪
你最害怕每天的天黑

但是天總會黑　人總要離別
誰也不能永遠陪誰
而孤單的滋味　誰都要面對
不只是你我　會感覺到疲憊

當你孤單你會想起誰
你想不想找個人來陪 你的快樂傷悲　
只有我能體會 讓我再陪你走一回

my msn screwed up... keeps logging me on and off... its soo annoying, oh well... haha my brother's prettie upset over it.. it seems like its a server problem.. he's stomping around the house.. just.. being pissed off he cant be online. hahaha.. youth. i just gave up on it.. and spend the last hour on.... friendster! haha havent been on since like.. september... alot of ppl got a lot prettier.

friday. went to the marion procession.. it was... too much. hahaha.. anyways one message i remembered vividly from that... is... we're all called to be merciful.. not to be bitter.. we're called to love.. and i guess.. meaning to accept... and we're called to forgive... and if we dont have the strength to forgive.. then ask for the grace that we may learn to forgive. =) i thought it was reallie nice how he said it, this message kept coming back to me these past few days, that we're called to be merciful.. and at that moment.. it all made sense... everything clicked... if we can do it.. then we'll definitely be able to live in peace and joy =) ... wat a nice feeling just to know how to ... get there... *easy to say. pray*

saturday was local visit at london.. hm... we got there.. in time for.. closing prayer... hon. hahaha.. but nonetheless... it was a prettie fun experience, nice to catch up with some utcccers, the funniest car rides and super happy to see my sweetie suzzzieee =) oh and realize there are so many people i should include in my prayersss.

today... haha.. nothing much.. the big story of the house.. is tobey threw up twice today.. so we must watch wat he eats.. and wat he plays with.. cuz its OUR fault that he threw up. lovely.

another boo incident happened at the dinner table today ... with my auntS and uncleS... involving my future ofcourse.. jokes. lovely. hm...
.............同類...

this coming two weeks are gonna be crazy with assignments.. i reallie should reaaaddd... and with eddieboo coming THIS THURSDAY as well.. i reallie should finish writing both of my papers before thursday =P then haha rite after these two weeks.. are.. FINALS!.. i want a reading week.

boo -_-"

...*me me me*.. no spidering.. please get back to work. add oil!

and a quote i came across today.. i like it =)
God gave us memories.. so that we may see roses in December

---
went to take pics with lala today.. so proud of you =) havent been inside con hall since first year, haha kinda reminds me of psy100... haha the only course i read the ENTIRE textbook for.. from chapter 1 to the appendix in the back... first year seems like so long ago now.. those enthusiastic hopeful energetic youthful days =) see wat a few years can do to u, hahaha

went to karen s. convo yesterday too haha, every girl knows how to put on make up.. haha already prettie.. then with make up.. lang lui =) *jealous*

seeing peoples convos these days make me wonder when mine'll ever come.. ya.. i know it will eventually.. not like im that eager to graduate or anything.. there's nothing awaiting reallie, and im not too excited over sending out resumes.. i guess its just the anticipation from everyone that's bugging me.. people should reallie stop assuming im graduating this year... its not a matter of credits.. its my grades.. i reallie wont know til the end. the very end.

just.. boo

fai-est thing ever.. haha.. went into the gis dictionary.. DICTIONARY.. and searched stochastic... and it said the closest thing they had was 'stochastic interpolation' and im thinking.. perfect!.. and then it gives me...

Stochastic Interpolation
[Top]
Sorry, there does not appear to be a definition for this term yet, please let us know by completing the feedback form. If you would like to provide a definition, then please also complete the feedback form ...

........................ how fai. hon2.

KFDJ. hm. Golden Griddle. pancakes. shop. H&M.... long story..
just found a pic that'd.. depict everything.. i like this picture.. very.. serene.... and with its original caption "lonely loonie".. credits to mary jai.

... and.. to my k-bi... 你別垂頭在抖震每每世事難盡興 求別要 愁著臉來渡一生... take care kuku *hugs*

today's been a happy day, hehe..... thnx to richard so?!
omg omg omg! super happy and super relieve for u!=) so so so so happy, its ur day its ur day! i knew he wouldnt forget, hm.. nice.. responsible... hm...doe geh happy, haha dont need dude no more wahahaha, anyways... *a new day has now begun* be happyboo, no worries, no regrets, believe in the power of prayers. Its been decided, everything is all set and planned for the best! *thanks be to God*

恭喜你....你找到了:)

its been a loonnnng day.. had work at 6am this morning.. crazy.. and i was. not. late! hahaha

i think im getting over my.. phase =) its been a good day despite the fact that its rainy and misty and i had work and i had school and not being able to get in finch and getting kicked out from lab, missing my subway stop, etc. hm.. that's about it

despite all that and the rest i dont remember anymore, its been one of my happier days, seemed like all the problems that piled up on me, just slowly parted, and the sun's finally shining thru again =) too many issues, too many boos, but all solved =) or slowly becoming better anyways, all these little things added up into a mess, i think the lesson is dont let worries add up cuz.. they just have a mind of their own, hahaha

its still all about acceptance... and knowing that.. 其實我們一樣自私.. haha how ... ironic.. *hon2* .. let's do a *goku* ok cant do. sigh.. just... ppl have their needs.. we're all humans.. we've all been there.. done that.. others do things we cant explain, and there's only so much we can do.

anyways.. tm.. gonna go to afternoon lab.. and then meet up to do my hydro assignment =) hype! haha if i keep up at this rate.. maybe.. i'll actually .. finish assignments!

tired die. hahaha.. sleep is good. sleeping til 9.... is a luxury =)

scariest thing happened this morning.. blah.. long story

came down on kennedy... even more traffic than usual... went thru swansea.. and they closed off the whole block that intersects with the GO train station.. i guess closing that path totally CAUSED the traffic.. idiots! blah.. so went back to BMW block, and got out and figured.. its not too bad i'll still make it, and just as i was waiting for the numerous red lights to pass... i almost crashed into the car in front of me.. i was prettie darn close, and the woman in the car came out to take a look and curse me.. while i apologize... didnt dare take my foot of the brake, so i didnt get to take a look outside.. blah.. scary. that was wayyy too close. i admit, my fault, i wasnt fully paying attention.

ai.. then ofcoz.. with all that.. i missed my bus =) lovely. ended up driving to fairview.. that amazingly.. only took less than 15 minutes.. maybe i should take this route all the time.

went to hydro class, we got out labs back, and oh so happy for karen, so so so happy.. she fought for her midterm mark and she got quite a few marks hehehehe so happy, silly girl cant stop smiling. the moment i saw her mark must be the happiest i've been since days ago. that felt nice.

when a smile takes too much effort

today's daddy's bday.
because.of.u.

today will love. everyone. family

today will be girl. then no worries.

a new day has now begun.

*seemiles*

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

today i got my Gap one year service pin. today alot of new staff greeted me. haha. today a woman lost her engagement ring. today a wife with prettie lashes came in to shop with her husband. today steve came back to visit, he works at club mon now... and sai lo came over to visit =) hahaha must get discounts off him, he works at coast mountain now

these few days honestly havent been the easiest of days. one thing just have to follow the other, never ending.. over tiring.

i just wanna sleep for a very very long time.. and wake up when everything's done... just feel like taking a break from everything.

sometimes i feel like im being so fan, i feel sorrie for the ppl around me, sorrie for being bothering u guys, i dont know why im so moody either, and i guess bitchy at times.. or all the time hahaha.. and i dont remember if i was always like this, feel like i've been on an emotional roller coaster these few days... last week was good.. cuz i was so busy with school and work.. there was no place to stop and pause.. this week.. too much time = very very boo... its been a cloudy week.

oh well.. arent we all confused.. and.. true.. we dont know if we'll ever stop being confused.. hm.. confuseddd..

my dad's.. been reallie funny. its been a joke.. my mom too.. its a family.. full of hints, they think im dumb, i think they're dumb.... why bother.

this sunday's drop date before academic penalty..i'd reallie like to know my lab marks for 373.. lovely.. TA went on vacation for a week. ai. wat the. and the prof. is no longer my favourite prof. i got my midterm back. blah.

everyone be happy =)... so is it true.. that the act of smiling, will actually make one happier? i thought i read about it somewhere....

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to passs
even years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

my dad is truly funny.
just speechless.

失樂園I 寂寞上場了

當驢頭妹無法眼睜睜地看見世界的殘酷時，她學會輕輕閉上眼睛，想像的世界的美好，美好得讓人不想再睜開雙眼。如果此刻你也感到灰心，學學她，輕輕閉上雙眼。想像。

不開心就不開心
silence.limit.absence.
i question myself how ridiculous this can get.. one day i'll be depressed, haha, at this moment... just feeling like crap, just wanted ppl to be around, just want to vent, just one of those nites... just me. in these years i've earned my way thru to be a pessimist, realize that things happen and justifications wont hold, thoughts flow in and out of me as they wish, everything about anyone adds up in my mind, any single worry can accumulate and become one big problem, and then once again i realize im nothing. i know how i am, and i know this is a phase... just skimming back at past entries, i had my good days, i've tried to be optimisitc again, i see my cycle ... and so i know tm'll will be a better day.. im just tired. i know well off that we're to count our blessings and not our worries... but its all in a cycle.. i just wish this cycle can stay on my better days.

3am *bupbup@me.alone*