today was such a LOOONNNNG day.. had work at 7am.. woke up at 6:36am and STILL made it for work! *i win* hahaha.. anyways.. too much happened today we definitely all need a peaceful mind and definitely a goodnite's sleep to prepare for tm. therefore.. please get your sleeeeeeeep. oh! and today got 3 new sponguuubob from ar yee =P thnx! wahahaha *love*

finally done my paper.. that wasnt too bad at all.. i feel bad bs-ing so much tho.. but im sure..since what i wrote is so considerably..reasonable.. my arguments must be somewhere in those references wahahaha.. gonna officially start my other assignment now.. i've been dreading it.. on and on.. for days... until now.. *BLAH* this course makes me sad


i want to get out of here. i want to leave.

In the face of all difficulties, doubts and objections,
trust in Him, He will not let you down.

If God does not grant the means, that shows He does not want you to do that particular work.
If He wants it done, He will give you the means.
Therefore do not worry.

Mother Teresa

"If He wants it done, He will give you the means. Therefore do not worry"
out of all the quotes from Mother Teresa... this one stuck to me the most.. its so reassuring.. and stated so clearly.. that everything we need to accomplish, what we're meant to do, will be given to us.. we need not worry :) so let's do it! add oil together! and just feeling very content overall... went to sell tickets with VA today.. met some new friends.. observed some passersby... a few weird thoughts.. i feel hopeful again... despite the stress and pressure and work and limitations.. i think everything will be just fine when the time is here.. there are options open to decide, things to do, mistakes to make, and just plenty to learn... there's a time for everything, the worst fear and worry only comes from feeling inadequate and feeling hopeless... but its ok now.. i can finally sense that its reallie a new year... i just need to condition myself to be ready.. and be happy...

and ofcoz praying and hoping that all of u are happy too! smiles :)

why does it have to be now.

havent updated for abit.. not much happened.. saturday had a fluss shopping day then went to see final destination 3.. its totally horrific... scared the living soul outta me.... sunday.. went to good shepherd refuge with my GT buds.. it made me feel good.. today went to study with chobooo.. cuz i thought my placement was tm.. so i figured.. i must study the stupid textbook before i go and make a fool outta myself tm... and that's cuz.. i always thought the placement.. was tomorrow.. tuesday.

but as i was typing out the preparation questions JUST now.. i realized.. that i wrote down feb 24th... and of course tm is not the 24th.. then i realized.. oh i thought it was the 24th cuz my stupid kubi calendar is still on January.. and Jan 24th is a tuesday... dammit.. so.. i was thinking.. shit.. feb 24th that's a thursday! i need to call around and get people to take my shift!.... cuz i already left early cuz of the stupid stomach flu today.. and if i called in sick on thursday i'd totally die.. and.. be totally guilty... so i called and begged and asked.. and no one can take it.. so im like.. oh watever then.. then i looked again at my calendar.. Feb.. 24th.. its a FRIDAY. now i gotta call the same people.. and get them to take my shift on friday.. they'll think im making up stories.. ai.. just.. argh. anyways.. on that one fine day a few weeks ago.. when the guy from the company first called i was sleeping.. and.. seriously.. i dont know if he said.. Tuesday.. or the 24th.. i wrote down the 24th.. but i remembered asking him if it was a tuesday? so it mite well be tomorrow.. and i'll just miss it.. i just emailed him to .. "reconfirm"... i hope its not tm.. please dont let it be tm.. i feel so dumb.. and where's everyone? nobody.. all gonee.. boo. i dont think i can ever get over this dumbness. just this morning.. i made a committment to myself.. that im gonna be independent.. that i'll stay on top of things.. and try harder for everything.. i'll be independent.. and be in charge of my own happiness.. and not need other people.. but anyways so in the end.. i feel like shit rite now.. already screwed up once today with this phone screening process.. bs a whole bunch... and messed it up.. and now.. haha THIS.. good thing i realized now and not tm, i guess? or hopefully.. its not tm? now that i've decided not to bother with it tm? ai blah.

funny.. got this in an email... ai.. kinda.. sickening.

One afternoon, I am complaining about the confusion of my age, what is expected of me versus what I want for myself.

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

- Tuesdays with Morrie

got the test from yee's page.. thought it was prettie accurate for her.. try it out here i dun wanna judge how correct it is.. but the one about my dream job and success is definitely right on!

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The quickest and the surest way towards thoughtfulness is the tongue - use it for the good of others. If you think well of others, you will also speak well of others. Violence of the tongue is very real - sharper than any knife, wounding and creating bitterness that only the grace of God can heal.

Mother Teresa

-The Joy In Loving by Jaya Chalika and Edward Le Joly

much too true.. 'violence of the tongue is very real - sharper than any knife' something we know.. yet we always underestimate the power of words, and never remember until its too late... today... i'll be more considerate and think well of others =) happy friday!

sad song..

陳奕迅 - 最佳損友
作曲：Eric Kwok
填詞：黃偉文

朋友　我當你一秒朋友　朋友　我當你一世朋友
奇怪　過去再不堪回首　懷緬　時時其實還有
朋友　你試過將我營救　朋友　你試過把我批鬥
無法　再與你交心聯手　畢竟難得有過最佳損友

從前共你　促膝把酒傾通宵都不夠　我有痛快過你有沒有
很多東西今生只可給你　保守至到永久　別人如何明白透
實實在在踏入過我宇宙　即使相處到　有個裂口
命運決定了　以後再沒法聚頭　但說過去　卻那樣厚

＊問我有沒有　確實也沒有　一直躲避的藉口　非甚麼大仇
　為何舊知己　在最後　變不到老友
　不知你是我敵友　已沒法望透　被推著走　跟著生活流
　來年陌生的　是昨日　最親的某某＊

生死之交當天不知罕有　到你變節了　至覺未夠
多想一天彼此都不追究　相邀再次喝酒　待葡萄成熟透
但是命運入面每個邂逅　一起走到了　某個路口
是敵與是友　各自也沒有自由　位置變了　各有隊友

REPEAT＊

早知解散後　各自有　際遇作導遊
奇就奇在接受了　各自有路走
卻沒人像你讓我　眼淚背著流
嚴重似情侶　講分手

有沒有　確實也沒有　一直躲避的藉口　非甚麼大仇
為何舊知己　在最後　變不到老友
不知你又有沒有　掛念這舊友　或者自己　早就想動頭
來年陌生的　是昨日　最親的某某
總好於那日我沒有　沒有　遇過某某

• saw prettie bethie today.. missed her sooooo much.. makes me feel... secure and safe to see my big sis again *love u*
• love my new Peace group *excited*... and definitely keeping you guys in my prayers.. things will work out... let us start anew... with an open mind.. and an open heart
• found out the power of black ice.. saw a car turning 360 behind me... SCARRRYYY...
• 'when im feeling blue.. all i have to do, is think about youu then im not so blue...' this tune is in my head... reminds me of joan... from 12 yrs long ago
• happy birthday scarlett and benson *23*
• some things make me sad. and makes me wonder... why?
• *me.me.me* i know u know we know
• dinner was smokey... but yummy and interesting...
• my mom got me a valentine's day present.. its a lil mickey mouse hand... it clips on things.. i guess either a cell phone strap or my pencil case? its prettie =)
• my mom's truly funny... takes alot of patience with her.. dunno how my dad does it.. i should reallie give my family more time.. more priority
• today i felt selfish and immature
• every relationship is complicated.. even friendship
• keep in mind its better to give than to receive :)
• wat do we expect from a friend.. or wat is a friend ....
• never expect and never be disappointed
• be a happyboo *hugs*
• being a friend is simply to love. to attempt to understand, to sympathize, to listen, to advice, to be there, to be considerate and do things so not to hurt the other.
• words are such painful weapons, some things are just better left unsaid.
• how do u trust?
• for everything we dont understand, for all the questions we cant answer... there's nothing we can do except pray... i remembered from this plaque i saw at hallmark yesterday.. it said "be worry over nothing, but pray over everything"
• realized that im not alone.. that we're all living in similar perpectuating problems..
• "Which of you, by being anxious, can add one moment to his lifespan?"
• "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"... hahaha true say!
• this year will be happy.. being happy is to be satisfied... to be content with wat i have now... thinking about it.. i m blessed...
• life... sigh... we'll overcome... tomorrow will be a better day... i just know it =)

peace. goodnite.

happy chinese new year! its.... the year of the dog! (my mom said we have to be extra nice to tobey these days) good luck to all of u =) haha.. this supposedly is a good year for pigs.. im not sure wat the details are.. but from wat i've heard, things are looking UP! i've been running into way too many dark corners during the past years.. i cant wait until something good starts to happen, haha a job perhaps, would definitely be nice.

so my dad's been trying to help me look for a job.. i dont know WHY he's so desperate.. but watever, asking me everyday if my resume's ready is not my idea of caring but anyways.. i guess it wouldnt be so hard if i had a specific position in mind.. alotta people are telling me to just request for one thing and send it out to all the banks.. how exactly do u do that.. just request for a full time position? its so... vague.. if i ever see it for sure i wont be hiring the person. it seems like there are too many other opportunities out there.. that im not qualified for.. that im more interested in.. haha but rite now.. i should stay focus...a bank would be my priority..

yesterday i went to have my grad pics taken =) it was actually quite interesting, haha the photographer was a nice dude with a dimple, after he found out i majored in eco, he ended up talking to me about investment.. he said since most ppl poorly manage their money.. his advice is i should put away some money into funds or rrsp while i can.. cuz he predicts that there'll be another great depression coming about in 2008... so anything would help.. and he said even $500-1000 put aside would make a difference.. um.. hon2.. i dont have that to spare. he's so into these trends and he said he once read a book called the wealthy barber.. its about a small town barber who got rich just by following these simple rules... interesting..

now back to reading.. ARCTIC CANADA! and thnx to jai and suk for keeping me company or else i'd be BORED to death heehe.. =P